Jun
29
The Simple Things
by Leslie
a Barbie Jeep, countless toys…
they prefer the dirt.
Jun
28
People often say, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” I agree with that sometimes, but sometimes not. For instance, if the not nice something you have to say is something you wish to say to me and the choice is not speaking to me or speaking to me and airing your not nice feelings, I say, share that not nice thing. I’d rather know what’s stuck up your butt than be ignored. Unless I already dislike you. But in that case, I won’t care what you say anyway. See? Win-Win!
There are times when saying nothing is the wrong choice. Sometimes you have to say something not nice to solve something. And sometimes, I screw things up and I didn’t even mean to. In fact, there are few things in life I’ve intentionally screwed up. I usually try pretty hard NOT to screw up.
And while we’re talking about screwups, you should know that I’m pissed at Norton.
I’ve been using Norton Antivirus, Internet Security, Anti-Spyware – you know, the whole gamut of services – pretty much since I’ve been on-line. The ONE TIME I went ahead and tried a McAfee free trial, I got a virus that took my laptop out. Never with Norton. It’s safe to say, I think Norton is a good product. But, dude, Norton. Your customer service is not so great.
The last time I renewed my Norton subscription, I was strong-armed into signing up for the auto-renewal, which is fine, I guess. I was sold on Norton. I was a customer for life. Auto-renewal is A-Okay with me. I don’t want my coverage on my computer to lapse. Of course, I’m not so great at remembering things and I didn’t write down the auto-renewal date, so when that big chunk of change slipped out of my bank account, I was like, “Wow. That sucked.” Still, I had signed up for it. A reminder from Norton would have been nice. I hadn’t planned for that money to be gone just then, but everything was cool. I adjusted and said to myself, “Well, at least my computer is safe.” Because if my computer went down, I’d be in a world of hurt. If you hadn’t noticed, any of the small change I bring into our household pretty much comes from what I do on my computer and sometimes small change makes the difference between paying bills and not paying bills.
So, it turns out that my computer wasn’t covered. You see, Norton wanted me to click to verify my new subscription, somehow. So, my Antivirus, Internet Security, Anti-Spyware – you know, EVERYTHING – was not turned on. It didn’t seem to matter that I had paid for it. I had to click to verify it, which is funny because paying the money for the service seemed like enough verification to me, especially when it was paid before the original subscription even expired! But it gets worse. When my dumb butt finally clicked to verify – too late because I realized my Norton wasn’t on until AFTER I GOT A VIRUS – those days my Norton wasn’t activated were still deducted from my subscription time.
NOT COOL, DUDES. NOT COOL.
So, my good laptop, the one with all my favorite settings and images and important information is out sick right now. I’ve tried to fix it, but it’s going to be a long job and when will I find the time to throw a day away fixing it? The computer won’t stay on for more than five minutes. I’m working on my old cracktop, which, Thank God for the cracktop, but here’s a secret: it doesn’t work so great. And that makes me feel stabby.
But, oh, that feels better!
See how easy it is to share your not nice feelings? Go ahead and share’em if you’ve got’em in the comments. The complaint department is open. Get something off your chest.
Jun
24
My birthday was yesterday. Julia’s is tomorrow-no, it’s today. Okay, it’s after midnight which technically means it’s her birthday right now and my birthday was two days ago, but I haven’t gone to bed yet, so to ME, it’s still yesterday. The thing is, I’m about to go blow up about thirty helium balloons that I will tie in bunches to random stuffed animals and distribute in my daughter’s bedroom so when she wakes up in the morning she’ll feel very Happy Birthday-y.
This is just one reason having kids is so great. My birthday? Kind of no big deal. Grown-up birthdays just aren’t as fun. But when you have kids, you get to have big deal birthdays all over again. Because for kids? EVERY BIRTHDAY IS A BIG DEAL. Waking up to a room full of balloons? BIG DEAL. If you did that for a grown-up, they’d be like, “That’s cute and all, but what do I do with them now, Big Waster?” But I guarantee my kids will play with those things all freaking day. Probably to the point of extreme annoyance and irritation. It’ll be worth it, though, to make her feel special. Because I feel special on her birthday. It’s sort of my birthday, too.
Six years ago today, Julia was born. And so was a mother.
Jun
16
Doctor: “You’ve gained 25 pounds.”
Me: “Since my last visit?”
Doctor: “No, over the course of your pregnancy.”
Me: (thinking) “Well, it seemed plausible. I feel like I’ve gained 25 pounds in four weeks. I look like it, too.”
Doctor: “If you continue to gain at your current rate, you can expect a 40 pound total weight gain for this pregnancy.”
Me: (completing an addition problem in my head)
Doctor: “You realize you only need about 300 calories per day above what you’d normally eat.”
Me: “Yes. I’m cool with that.”
Doctor: “Alright.”
Me: (thinking) “I meant with the 40 pound weight gain.”
And later…
Me: (crying)
Doctor: “Let’s talk about prescribing you some anti-depressants.”
So, pretty much, the appointment ROCKED.
I declined the drug offer. I’m much more stable than I seem.
Really.
The doctor looked at me the same way you’re looking at me right now. (Did you know I can see you through the screen? Heeelllooo! Now, go put a bra on.)
Jun
15
I’m Just a Little Black Rain Cloud
by Leslie
I get a little bummed out every time I see Sam as The Yellow Wiggle. It just doesn’t feel right. Greg is The Yellow Wiggle. Greg. Forever and always, in my heart. Sam just reminds me that Julia isn’t three anymore and Wiggles come and go, like so many other things in life. Then I start singing “Cat’s in the Cradle” and that song is nothing but a guilt vehicle, isn’t it?
“Teach Your Children Well” is much better. Even “Time in a Bottle” would do. At least those songs don’t make me feel like I need Xanax.
I’m outlawing “Cat’s in the Cradle.”
You see, I’ve been dreaming that Dave is dead or dying. Three nights ago, I was having him cremated and at the last minute decided I wanted to keep his wedding ring, but it was too late, he was gone. Last night, he had two weeks to live.
Dave is scared of me right now.
The irony is, during waking hours, I’m worried that I’m the one that will die – that I’m going to start bleeding when I have Phoebe and I’ll never see her or know her and all my girls will grow up without me.
Nothing in this world frightens me more than that.
Stuff I Do
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Stuff You Should Do
You know, Stuff.
